Public Knowledge Exclusive! The Final Chapter of Harry Potter: Chapter 36–The Flaw in the Network.
Public Knowledge Exclusive! The Final Chapter of Harry Potter: Chapter 36–The Flaw in the Network.
Public Knowledge Exclusive! The Final Chapter of Harry Potter: Chapter 36–The Flaw in the Network.

    Get Involved Today

    The moment had finally arrived; the moment Harry had feared and sought since he learned of the prophecy. He and Lord Voldemort stood in the field, 10 yards apart, facing each other, wands in hand.

    “You know you can't win Harry” the Dark Lord sneered. “I placed the last Horucrux in you. To kill me you have to kill yourself. But if you do that, no one will have the power to kill me.”

    Harry knew it was true. But he curled his wand hand around his back hoping that when the moment came his curse would cause both he and Voldemort to fall from its affect. The moment came immediately with both wizards simultaneous uttering the “Avada Kedavra” curse.

    But nothing happened. The wands were as twigs from a tree. Both Harry and Voldemort looked at their wands, looked at each other, and then looked at their wands again, utterly mystified.

    Suddenly they heard the sound of laughter and a tall stranger emerged from behind a rock. He spoke oddly accented English, as if transported from one of those “Western” movies that Muggles love. “Now, boys. Those are some mighty fine wands you got there. Mighty fine. But we signed an exclusive deal with Ollivanders and now those wands only send curses over our 1900 MHz band. If y'all want those things to work, you're going to have to sign up for our transmission plan, which fortunately for you, I can offer at a very low introductory rate, with, of course, a 2 year minimum and applicable early termination fees, universal service charges, and federal, state and local taxes. And no more using that Avada Kedavra curse. If that curse maker thinks wizards can use his curse over my spectrum without paying me he's nuts!”

    As the stranger talked, Harry's scar began burning again. The all too familiar high-pitched voice hissed at him from inside his own head. “Harry, follow my lead.” Without warning, Voldemort lurched forward, knocking the man off his feet. Before he could process what was going on, Harry found himself running forward to help the Dark Lord. Upon pinning his arms to the ground, Harry remembered the little bag of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes Fred and George had given him to try to spread a little laughter in dark times. Harry and Voldemort took turns stuffing Ton-Tongue Toffees down the man's throat, until his tongue was larger than a basilisk. They then fed him a canary cream, causing him to become a colorful bird, and watched with childlike glee as the bird tried flying while its gigantic tongue dragged across the ground.

    Once the laughter died down, an awkward silence fell over the two former combatants. They stared at one another, unable to think of appropriate words to follow what had just happened. Lord Voldemort broke the silence with the first real smile Harry had ever seen on his face. “You know, that was more fun than infiltrating the Ministry, spreading lies and fears and killing thousands.”

    “You always said we'd make quite a team” Harry said.

    “And I meant it. And I bet if we combine forces we can get the Ministry to forbid exclusive deals between wand makers and spectrum owners. Shall we discuss this over some butter beer?” the now merely tan Lord suggested.

    “Brilliant”, replied Harry. Off they went. And they all lived happily ever after.

    • Picture courtesy of Rep. Mike Doyle (D-PA)